


Did You Plan To Fall?

by Paradoxicalpatton



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxious Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley in Love (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Bad at Being an Angel (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), Falling In Love, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, Misunderstandings, Requited Love, i use italics more than i should
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 15:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20472968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradoxicalpatton/pseuds/Paradoxicalpatton
Summary: "On this particular night, the two beings decided to have a picnic under the stars instead of heading to the Ritz as per usual and drove to a clearing just outside of Tadfield... Unbeknownst to the other, both Crowley and Aziraphale wished with everything they had that this could be a date, that maybe, just maybe, this moment could be something more. However, neither were ready to make any sort of move. Aziraphale, scared Crowley would reject him and never want to see him again, and Crowley, scared that he'd be going way too fast for the Angel again."-OR-Crowley and Aziraphale are having a hard time figuring out their feelings for one another.





	Did You Plan To Fall?

**Author's Note:**

> the title and lyrics in this fic are all from dodie's 'if im being honest'! it's obviously a big inspiration for this fic and just an amazing song, so i definitely recommend listening to it while reading this!
> 
> not beta'd so sorry for any mistakes!

_I was told this is where I would start loving myself_  
_Flirting's delicious, proved to be beneficial for mental health_  
_All of my best bits pulled forward, collected, displayed_  
_Sadly, I just think that I was disgusting today_

After the Armageddon-that-wasn't, one would believe the Angel Aziraphale would feel relieved having such a weight lifted from his tired shoulders. However, that is unfortunately not the case. You see, Aziraphale had a lot more than just diverting an apocalypse on his mind, he was also struggling with his inner turmoil involving a certain Demon he knew. Aziraphale had known the Demon Crowley for a little over 6000 years, give or take, and shouldn't come as surprise to anyone when the Angel realised he had rather, _romantic_ feelings for his- er, friend? Aziraphale was still a fair bit cautious about titles when it came to Crowley, even after the Armageddidn't, wondering whether or not it was safe enough to call him his friend, or even just an acquaintance for that matter. 

Nevertheless, Aziraphale had the unfortunate pleasure of being aware of his feelings for the Demon, and although one would think that's what he should be worrying about most, he isn't. Now it is common knowledge that Aziraphale isn't like any other Angel in Heaven. He's soft, indulgent, and of course, _friends_ with a Demon. Even the Archangel Gabriel told him to "lose the gut". He never really was fond of the Principality. So of course, these reasons, among many others, have caused Aziraphale to be what the humans call self-conscious of himself. And this is where his feelings for Crowley enter stage-left. How is Aziraphale supposed to lo- _like_ Crowley if he doesn't even like himself? He was sure he once heard a human say "If you don't love yourself, how in the-" for lack of a better word, "hell are you gonna love somebody else?" 

Aziraphale had managed to convince himself that maybe it was better if things stayed as they were, they were already complicated enough. There was absolutely no way in Heaven, Hell, _or Earth_, that the Demon would ever love him back. Right? And if that's the case, then what was with all the flirting throughout the years? Now, Aziraphale may be considered 'Old-Fashioned', but that doesn't mean he hasn't seen flirting before. Heck, he's even flirted once or twice. At Crowley. After Crowley flirted with him. At least the Angel hoped Crowley was flirting with him, otherwise, he'd have made a right fool of himself. But, assuming that the Demon was in fact hitting on the Angel- _which he was_-Aziraphale was still unsure how to take it. 

What on God's green Earth could Crowley find attractive about a silly little Angel like himself? His hair was always a mess, his fashion choice was a good decade or two out of style, he had an obscene amount of rolls and curves making him pudgy in an unsightly way, he ate way too much, he sat around drinking and reading books- the list could go on! And Aziraphale, the poor Angel, just wished he could be perfect. That maybe, if he didn't look so repulsive, or act so off-putting, that there would be a chance Crowley would feel something akin to love toward him. 

_You blew me up like a big balloon far too soon_  
_I'm left a stuttering teen_  
_How did I get here?_  
_It's all so quick, and I feel sick_  
_Red pushing down on the green_

When Crowley fell, he fell _hard_ and _fast_. Of course, we're talking about when Crowley fell for Aziraphale, not to be confused with his Fall from Heaven. Unlike the Angel, Crowley has felt undeniable love for Aziraphale from the very Beginning, when the two met at the Garden of Eden. It was there where Crowley knew that this Angel was different from all the rest. Of course, over the years Crowley has tried his damned hardest to hide these feelings. Not only because he was worried the Angel would find out and be scared off, but because the darn thing could literally sense _love_. After almost every interaction, Crowley would head to where he was staying and tell himself that his rapid heartbeat was from the buzz of the alcohol, or that his shortness of breath was caused from his walk home. More often than not, Aziraphale would say something so utterly ridiculous that it would render the Demon almost speechless, his vocabulary in those exact moments only consisting of grunts and sounds similar to "Ngk!" The ANgel unknowingly did things to Crowley that left the poor Demon gasping for air, his corporeal lungs feeling trapped in his chest, begging him to breathe in the air they so badly needed. 

But of course, Demon's aren't allowed to feel love or joy. Maybe that's why when Aziraphale gave Crowley the Holy Water he previously asked for, he felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. _"You go too fast for me Crowley."_ That night, once Crowley returned home, he took his emotions out on everything his eyes laid on. It wasn't until his apartment looked like a war zone that Crowley registered the feeling of hot tears streaming down his face. His hands came up to his head, long, slender fingers pulling at his hair. Again, Crowley was left alone, crumpled in an uncomfortable ball on the cold floor, his heart aching, his throat burning, and his lungs breathing in as much air as they possibly could through his staggered sobs. The Holy Water he wanted was never for himself. It was supposed to be safety precaution in case things went pear-shaped. _Aziraphale likes pears._ But in this moment, as his tears stung his tired eyes, as his sobs evened out, he really wished it was. 

_Could you love this?_  
_Will this one be right?_  
_Well, if I'm being honest_  
_I'm hoping it might_

After preventing Earth's inevitable destruction, Crowley and Aziraphale find themselves once again enjoying a nice meal at the Ritz. If that's what you can call it. It's more like Aziraphale eating significantly less food than usual while Crowley drinks whatever wine looks best and glances over at the Angel to remind him that "yes I'm listening Aziraphale." He's hoped that Crowley hasn't noticed the subtle changes he's made with the way he speaks and acts and eats. However, what he's most worried of is what he was about to tell the Demon sitting across from him.

"I'm going to sell the bookshop. Oh, I do hope someone kind will decide to purchase it-"  
"_What?!_"  
"What? Did I say something wrong?"  
"Sell- You're going to _sell_ your beloved books?!"  
"I don't see why that's gotten you so riled up Crowley, they're- they're just silly books after all. It's time I move on to something else. This waistcoat has had it's run as well now that I think about it."  
"No. Absolutely fucking not. What on Earth has gotten into you Aziraphale? You love your bookshop! And I know for a fact that you regret calling all of your first editions 'silly'."  
"Nothing has gotten into me dear boy, I've just decided to 'get with the times' as humans say."  
"Alright then. Let's go, right now, to the shop."

Crowley was absolutely right. Aziraphale regretted calling his books silly the moment the words left his mouth. He was also admittedly confused as to why Crowley wanted to suddenly go back to the bookshop after hearing Aziraphale's decision, but they went there anyway. Once they arrived, Aziraphale made his way to the backroom, asking Crowley which wine he would prefer. When the Angel realised Crowley wasn't behind him, he spun around to look for the Demon. However, when he found Crowley his heart stopped, eyes immediately filling with fear. Crowley was standing in the middle of the shop, one hand on fire, and the other holding an old scroll. A scroll that Aziraphale remembered 'borrowing' from the Library of Alexandria. 

"Like you said angel, they're just silly books. So surely you won't mind if this were to _accidentally_ fall into the hellfire next to it."  
"No! I mean, yes! No, no I mean I wouldn't mind at all, but-"  
"Great!"

And with that Crowley dropped the scroll in his other hand, the delicate paper evaporating in mere seconds. Aziraphale, on the other side of the room, watching this happened, hadn't realised he'd dropped to the floor, soft, silent tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. When Crowley looked back up at the Angel and saw his reaction, he immediately shook the hellfire away and rushed over to him, pulling another identical scroll from his back pocket. Crowley crouched in front of Aziraphale and ever so gently reached out, his fingers carefully tilting the Angel's chin upwards. He showed Aziraphale the original scroll and told him that the one burnt was just a copy he miracled. Aziraphale, now openly crying lunged forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Crowley, his head resting in the crook of the Demon's neck, Crowley's own hands coming up to rest on Aziraphale's back.

"I thought maybe you wanted me to change."  
"Angel- _Aziraphale_\- I wouldn't change you for the world."

_Could you love this?_  
_Did you plan to fall?_  
_Well, if I'm being honest_  
_Oh, I bet it's not that at all_

As previously stated, Crowley was scared of having romantic feelings for Aziraphale for a few reasons, the most pertinent one, however, was the fear that if Aziraphale knew of Crowley's feelings and actively _reciprocated_ them that the Angel would finally Fall. After everything they've done, Crowley feared that he would be the reason if his Angel Fell. That idea as a whole, is of course, absolutely ridiculous. Aziraphale should have Fallen a long, _long_ time ago. So not even loving a Demon could push him over the edge at this point. However, Crowley doesn't know this and believes that the only way to solve this situation is one of two ways. 

Option 1: Make sure Aziraphale never falls in love with him.  
-OR-  
Option 2: Change himself so much to the point where if Aziraphale _did_ fall in love with him he wouldn't be at risk of eternal damnation. 

Crowley, being the absolute dumbass that he is, made the expert decision of fucking everything up. In other words, he chose option 2.  
Slowly, Crowley began to make slight changes to himself so as not to alert Aziraphale that he was up to something. Some of these changes included driving the actual speed limit, eating more often when he dined with Aziraphale, and possibly the most shocking one that the Angel hadn't noticed yet, he changed his eyes. Crowley had come across a neat invention the humans called 'coloured contacts' and decided to research all about them. He ended up finding out that you can change the colour of your eyes quickly and effectively by sipping small coloured circles onto your eyes. So, of course, Crowley went online and ordered a pair that he thought looked quite lovely and awaited their arrival. When they turned up at his apartment, Crowley spent the better half of his evening putting them in and seeing how they looked, his once golden snake eyes now a soft emerald green. Crowley was certain that his plan was foolproof. 

Oh don't be mistaken, his plan was in fact foolproof. 

It was undeniable proof that Crowley, was an absolute fool. 

He'd been wearing his contacts for just over two weeks, taking them about every night before bed, and popping them in every morning before leaving his flat. Of course, most of the time the Demon was wearing his sunglasses, making the difference of colour unnoticeable. That is, until, he took them off one night in the back room of the bookshop, sitting directly across from Aziraphale. The Angel in question hadn't noticed the change until he looked up to hand Crowley a second glass of wine, the drink never reaching the Demon due to being dropped on the floor between them.

"Crowley! What happened to your eyes?!"  
"Hmm? Oh! That. Yes, I er- I decided to shake things up a little. I'm not really feeling the whole 'snake' thing anymore."  
"They're- they're green..."  
"Nice, aren't they? I thought the colour suited my hair fantastically."  
"Oh, well, yes, they are nice then."  
"You don't sound so sure?"  
"Well, I- I much preferred the snake eyes. They, um, they did look quite gorgeous in the sunlight."  
"Oh."  
"Yes, 'Oh.'"

At the moment Aziraphale remembered the broken glass and quickly cleaned it up, choosing to do it the more human way so he could get the disappointment off his face before Crowley noticed it. Once he had finished and sat back down, he watched as the Demon pulled something out of his eye, placing it in his palm and looking up at the Angel, golden-yellow eyes back where they should be.

"Do they really look nice in the sun?"  
"Positively breathtaking my dear."

_Hope has a cost, keeping all fingers crossed and held tight_  
_But I look idiotic with my limbs all knotted, it don't feel right_  
_Truly you've shaken me, and I think you like how I plead_  
_But I have a hunch that that's all you wanted from me_

It's common knowledge that a celestial being and an occult being have no place ever being together, whether in a platonic _or_ romantic sense. Crowley and Aziraphale on the other hand, like to push those boundaries. On this particular night, the two beings decided to have a picnic under the stars instead of heading to the Ritz as per usual and drove to a clearing just outside of Tadfield. Here, they spent the night simply enjoying each others company, sharing a lovely meal they ordered from a restaurant not far from the bookshop, and savouring an exquisite bottle of red Crowley had hidden in his kitchen. Unbeknownst to the other, both Crowley and Aziraphale wished with everything they had that this could be a date, that maybe, just maybe, this moment could be something more. However, neither were ready to make any sort of move. Aziraphale, scared Crowley would reject him and never want to see him again, and Crowley, scared that he'd be going way too fast for the Angel again.

Maybe it was something in the food, but when Aziraphale turned his head to look at Crowley he felt his stomach perform an entire gymnastics routine, flipping in all kinds of ways at the sheer beauty of his friend. The Angel's eyes gently roamed over the Demon, taking him in entirely. His messy auburn hair, the light smattering freckles- that suspiciously resembled constellations- on his cheeks, the way the moonlight danced over his eyes, and of course, the way his mouth shifted ever so slightly into a soft smile as he spoke about the stars. _Oh for the love of everything Holy, someone please give me the strength to kiss him._

Crowley had himself convinced that it was the wine for him because when he looked to Aziraphale to ask him a question he had now long forgotten, all he could do was stare in awe of the Angel before him. The light from the moon shone down over the Angel, somehow making his hair look even softer and lighter than it already did. His sky blue eyes shimmered softly and Crowley was certain that he might just Fall again from looking at Aziraphale. His lips were parted ever so slightly, and he was sure that was what sent him over the edge, whispering a silent prayer to whoever would listen. _Please, if someone is listening, give me the strength to not fuck this up._

Not being able to wait for another second, both Crowley and Aziraphale surged forward, their mouths meeting in the middle. It was by far, absolutely perfect, neither party wanting to pull away and ruin the fragile moment before them. When they did finally break apart, Crowley felt like he did that night when he was given the Holy Water, Aziraphale's eyes full of fear and quite possibly regret. Without letting the Angel say a word, Crowley jumped up, grabbed his keys and walked as fast as he possibly could to the Bently before getting in, slamming his head against the steering wheel, turning it on, and driving away, all while tears streamed down his face. 

Aziraphale's brain was screaming two different things at him. One of them was "Why did you do that?! He clearly hated it! You fucked everything up you stupid Angel!", and the other was "Stop him! He didn't hate it, he kissed back! Stop him, you stupid Angel!" Before Aziraphale could do anything, the Bently sped off, leaving the Angel alone, crying on the picnic blanket in the moonlight, feeling as if even the stars hated him for being so idiotic. 

_Could you love this?_  
_Will this one be right?_  
_Well, if I'm being honest_  
_I'm hoping it might_  
_Could you love this?_  
_Did you plan to fall?_  
_Well, if I'm being honest_  
_Oh, I bet it's not that at all_

It had been over a month since the kiss and Aziraphale hadn't seen or heard from Crowley at all. This, was both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing as Aziraphale was able to analyse everything that happened that night, coming to the conclusion that yes Crowley wanted the kiss just as much as he did, and that yes it was Aziraphale's reaction that made Crowley run. Although they may be on their own Side now, the Angel couldn't help but worry about either of the other Sides coming for them after finding out about the kiss. Which, in reality, wouldn't have happened at all. It was a curse as Aziraphale didn't see his Demon for a month, worried that he now hates the Angel with his entire being, or possibly something even worse. 

Aziraphale, however, decided that he'd had enough and made his way over to Crowley's apartment, miracaling the door open and going straight inside, calling out the Demon's name. Before he could go any further into the apartment, Aziraphale was distracted by the beautiful plants now surrounding him, promptly forgetting why he was in Crowley's apartment and saying sweet praises to the greenery, telling them that they looked "absolutely gorgeous" and that Crowley "must obviously love you all very much for you to look this beautiful." As the Angel stood in the room surrounded by plants, the Demon he had originally gone there for leant against the doorway, the scene in front of him reminiscent of when they first met in Eden. When the plants eventually noticed him they began to shake, causing Aziraphale to remember why he was originally there, a hand coming up to gently smack his forehead.

"Oh goodness, I forgot I was looking for Crowley! I'm sorry, I really must find him, you all look stunning though!"  
"No need Aziraphale."  
"Crowley!" 

During the month that he was gone, Crowley had plenty of time himself to think about what happened that night, coming to the realisation that Aziraphale initiated the kiss as well and would have been scared either way. He may not be a good one, but he is still an Angel after all, and he had every right to worry about kissing a Demon. So when Aziraphale spun around in his apartment and rushed to Crowley, he was met with nothing but open arms, "I'm sorry"'s gently whispered, the Demon scared that if he spoke any louder he might scare the Angel away. 

"I was scared you wouldn't love me unless I changed so I was perfect."  
"What? No! I was scared you wouldn't love me in case you would Fall."  
"Absolutely not- okay maybe a little but that's not the point- we were both being a little silly weren't we?"  
"Yeah angel, we were."

**Author's Note:**

> chuck us a kudos and a comment xx  
tumblr - paradoxicalpatton


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